Yesterday everything changed. Actually it all happened one day before that. It’s spring and it feels like it. It looks like spring, suddenly overnight. Different people ride the trains and trams, they look lighter. I cook on the concrete outside the station, my boots are getting hot to wear on my feet. The junkies are coming out of their clinic stays for the weather and concrete comfort. It’s spring and it smells like it. I always thought that line from We Looked Like Giants was just a beautifully formed idea but when I step off the human-scent polluted train the breeze blows the sweetest sugary flavours of colourful adjectives adjectives adjectives straight through my nostrils. Sweet flowers perfume everything momentarily while my cynical senses adjust and resign again to experiencing bleakness.

I desire to run so far I lose myself but I know it’s fantasy and this world is so big and nearly too scary. I love my femininity but I hate the fear. Walking the dark section of path home last night, three big men walked by me and as soon as they passed by I fell into a silent state of near hyperventilation. This reaction, for my inability to ignore the reality in that moment that if they had the intention, I’d have no defence and poor recourse. Where lays freedom for women, where in the world do we have a right to be? I wonder what it feels like to travel alone, go wherever you want to go?